This morning, 7 days before my little girls 10th birthday, I am crying on the bus heading to work. I really feel her right now. I have been having many thoughts and some dreams of her. Knowing she misses me as I miss her. Wishing her dad could only see her now. I ask myself a lot what are you doing? Which are you doing this? What purpose is this serving? Who are you helping? Are you just being selfish, because you don't want to get uncomfortable enough to work with her mom?
Well, the truth is; I don't know. I know what I have been guided to do. I know it kills me at times to not be with her and I know that I make an aweful mess of things with her mom; and I would not stop.
So then what is there but this? As hard as it is sometimes, and especially around her birthday, for obvious reasons, I know there is a mending of hearts that is occurring. It is not for nothing...
Baby girl, have a happy 10th birthday and know that I love you beyond myself and my needs. This is hard work, but so worth it. We will both be basking in it before we know it.
I love you sweetheart...
Dad