dominating others

I just discovered something about myself tonight that is very painful. I was in the tub bathing my son and went to rinse him off under the faucet. I have been doing this for months. I never thought that it might be uncomfortable possibly even really scary. I put him completely under the flow of water from the faucet and held him there for a long period of time. Its entirely possible that he felt like he was drowning. I know that children, especially infants, are very present beings and don't understand past and future yet. So, to make matters even more intense, it is very likely that I caused a very very traumtic experience for my son, just considering tonight alone. Now multiply that by the last few months of his baths, well I have to be with the fact that I have deeply imprinted this on his soul. Needless to say, this is painful. But I am already feeling it pass just by typing this and should be out the other side shortly. This reminds me of my childhood when at times I would dominate my family cat and had literally tortured several lizards and ran over a frog with my bike. So I have it in me. This is a part of me that should not be allowed to run things or make decisions. I need to be very diligent about this part. That is all for now.