This is it man, there is nothing else more important!

I get it God! I get it! If I am not ready and willing to fully commit to me and my connection to you, I am done. That is the entrance to the downhill slope that is my addicition. If I am face to face with, on the one hand, my busy life that does not lend itself comfortably to my taking space for myself to "get right" with God, or just stopping to get right with God, and I choose my busy life. I am done. That is the timer countdown until the next time I act out. None of it even matters, as I will be blowing it up, setting the charges in very specific and key support beam locations, if I am not choosing God. Nothing will work for long. And then it will be a pile of painful rumble with all of the evidence my humanness/ego has been looking for. Complete with wife, daughter and son all crushed under the weight of my fake bridge. Everything is me. The dishes in the sink are me. My refusal to go do them and be in integrity with my committment to my husband self. Oh and the rat poison I committed to go put in the attic. Thats me too. I think I am going to go love on my past "ignorant" acting self who is sitting in the kitchen. I choose me and God.